November 10, 2005

Origins of the Axis

What the hell is the Axis Of Oversteer anyway?

Well if you MUST know...
The Axis is the offshoot of the mighty Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer (C.I.A.O)

Here are some press releases from that historic first season:

Team C.I.A.O. news - For immediate release

New York June 2 2003

After the events at Watkins Glen, where major engine failure occurred, BMWNA technicians have been working day and night to bring back to life the F2002SMG M3. Unfortunately, late last night, the Chief Engineer determined that the transmission housing had sustained structural damage when the engine's bottom end failed.
New transmission is on its way and the crew is doing all its efforts to assemble the F2002SMG M3 by Friday, so that team drivers Cairone and Gomez can log-in valuable break-in miles before the Team's next event at the FedEx Arena at Washington D.C. At this event, Cairone and Gomez will attempt to deliver much needed top honors for manufacturer BMW. BMW has not had a National Tour victory in the top stock SCCA Solo2 classes since the early 90's, when the E36 M3 was a top performer in the now Corvette dominated A-Stock.

Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer, NY

Team C.I.A.O. News - For immediate release

For Immediate release
June 3, 2003

Ron Dennis comments on F2002SMG M3gearbox failure

"It is obviously a missed synergistic actuation between Latin drivers and modern German technology"
Commenting on the conflagration of the F2002SMG M3's engine and semi automatic gearbox at the recent Watkins Glen event the McLaren head honcho seemed to put the blame squarely on the fiery driving of Colombian Carlos Gomez who was at the wheel when the catastrophic engine failure occurred.
"This would have never happened if Mika or Kimi were part of the package. "Just ask Patrick Head about these South Americans" continued Dennis braking into an uncharacteristic sweat "The poor man has the worse case of hemorroids ever seen in the F1 paddock!"
With his trademark humor returning, Dennis added that a Williams mechanic accidentally tried to put a tyre warmer on Head posterior having mistaken it for a Michelin.
In any case Dennis told Reuters he believes in Team C..I.A.O.'s ability to rebound from this setback and have a strong showing in the upcoming National Tour event in Washington DC.

Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer, NY

Team C.I.A.O. News - For immediate release

June 4th 2003

Gazzetta dello Sport (Italy)
While taking close-up pictures of Irvine's "Babe du Jour", Paparazzis overhead Sir Frank mentioning to Bernie how Ferrari refugee "Tifosi" Cairone is willing to take a pay cut in his current contract to help the team prepare the T-Car, F2001NoSMG MC, to its fullest extent, provided any negative surprises during the test mileage of soon to be resurrected F2002SMG M3.
F2001NoSMG MC performance looks very promising too, as it has been demonstrated during the Nassau "warm-up" sessions, where Team drivers Cairone and Gomez have continuously traded fastest laps by less than 2/10 second differences on any day.

Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer, NY

Team C.I.A.O. News - For immediate release

June 5 2003

Diario Deportivo (Bogotá, Colombia)

Irvine and Villeneuve snipe team C.I.A.O. !

Ex Ferrari and current real estate tycoon Eddie Irvine unleashed one of his usual salvos at today's "Irvine Tart du Jour" media event. The recepient was National Tour rookie driver Andrea Cairone who will be backing up Team C.I.A.O.'s effort led by veteran Carlos Gomez.
"That Italian boy has not a clue how to deal with the pressure of big league events" snarled Eddie."When we had him testing our F360F1 at Monaco a while back he would slow down afraid the judges would give him speeding tickets....what a wanker!"
Sadly for Irvine, moments after his declarations he was served with 12 paternity suits. It is believed to be a record and in any case far surpasses Irvine's F1 record.
Not be outdone, Jacques Villeneuve took aim at Gomez: "Carlos who? you mean there's another Colombian that thinks he can drive?" The diminutive canadian, who has dyed his hair blue and white in a misguided attempt to recreate the quebec flag, continued "I give the man two corners before a major crash, the guy is just out of control!"
Sadly the blue and white dyes in Villeneuve's hair reacted and caught on fire. Only Justin Wilson sprinted for a fire extinguisher but he was quickly tripped and subdued by the rest of the F1 roster led by Jenson Button. Jacques hair is not expected to recover.

Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer, NY

Team C.I.A.O. News for Immediate Release

Team C.I.A.O. confirms use of F2002 SMG M3 for Washington DC National Tour event.

Resurrected after a catastrophic engine and gearbox failure, with drivers Carlos Gomez and Andrea Cairone, the car is ready for the challange of bringing BMW back to the top of the A Stock standings after a long absence.
In the past few weeks many of motorsports luminaries had weighed in on Team C.I.A.O.'s predicament. The comments were, frankly, mostly skeptical. From Ron Dennis to Eddie Irvine all voiced doubts over the teams preparednes for the upcoming trial. But today, after none other than Mario Thyssen himself confirmed the integrity of the new '03.1/2 spec S-54 engine and especially a new programming software for the SMG transmission, some of those same voices changed their tune. Dennis is quoted: "Clearly, as the new engine-gearbox package has been optimized, new synergistic levels in the driver machine interface will be attained, in conjunction with their performance partners of course." As an aside Dennis chuckled that Williams-BMW's technical director Patrick Head has a new personal performance sponsor: Preparation H.
Eddie Irvine, approached by reporters on the way into the Princess Grace clinic in Monaco where he was to produce samples for DNA testing to be used in his upcoming twelve paternity suits, was more terse: "Piss off you wankers, I've got go shake hands with the prime minister in here...twelve times!" yelled Irvine, who's also known as Fast Eddie particularly among his ex girlfriends, as he slammed the door.
On his way to his showdown with Robbie Gordon at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, none other that Juan Pablo Montoya weighed in on the issue "I speak with Carlos almost every day, I've known him since my days racing formula Swift back in Colombia. Back then he was my number one exhaust pipe consultant. He had a unique prospective on the proper positioning of the pipe as he spent much time staring at it during races. I've given him my car set-up and I trust that both he and the Italian guy will do well in D.C."

Team Colombian Italian Axis of Oversteer, NY

Team C.I.A.O. news For immediate release

Team C.I.A.O. score the first ever e46 M3 podium finishes in a 2003 SCCA
TireRack National Tour event in Washington D.C this past week end.
Team drivers Andrea Cairone and Carlos Gomez scored a second and third
respectively in A Stock in the first outing for the F2002SMG M3 after major surgery.

As no team orders were issued the battle between Gomez and Cairone was truly exciting. In an
event that allows just three runs per day, the first run saw Cairone, at his first ever National Tour
event, come in with a cautious 59.090 vs Gomez's 58.208. Second runs saw Andrea improve by
more than 1.5 sec to 57.480 with Carlos behind 3/10th at 57.789.
By the end of the day both drivers were down in the 56 sec. range with Gomez making up some
ground but Cairone leading by just over 6/100th of a second!

Day two confirmed how well matched the team is, Gomez and Cairone took their first run with just
8/1000th of a second difference in favor of the Colombian. 52.890 vs 52.898.
The second runs saw "Go" Gomez put the hammer down with a cool 7/10th advantage on a 52.062 after the Italian had a slight bobble trying to control and very tail happy M3.
For the final run, Cairone took a gamble on a new suspension setting and slightly revised plan of attack. Coming to the line for his final chance and under pressure AC was chilly and determined.
He found a full second from his previous run to throw down a 51.750.
The Colombian had to stand on his second run as he was not able to improve on his last outing.
The final combined times were 108.683 vs 109.056, a .373 difference.

"I am very very 'appy with the second place finish" said Cairone after the
event, " I 'ave to tank de sponsors anda my teammate Carlo, he is very very fast and he give me the good suspension set up."

"BMWNA did a great iob this weekend. Ya know..., the team worked hard to put the new engine and transmission together. It was a superb iob by the team, they even put excess oil to run no risks. Ya know..., the car was superb; during the weekend the SMG warning light went on, tire pressure monitor on twice, but the car managed to finish the race in the points with two spots in the podium." commented Gomez "We struggled a leetle beet with the settings on Sunday morning
as my team mate proved with some tail happy action. Back to the pits, went back to previous
settings and the car felt SOOO much beeetter!. Then the team made more changis to make the car steeffer and on my last run, it was all my fault, I ran wide on turn 2 and knew it was over... Ya know... SHIT happens... "

As usual reaction in the paddock was quick:
Ron Dennis "one cannot over simplyfy the situation however is is clear that the synergistic conjunctions in Team C.I.A.O. have reached a point where the driver machine package is approaching full optimization".
Eddie Irvine, seen handling a large number of Baby Gap gift certificates, was true to form, " I used to think I was the second best driver out there....well, I still think that,now piss off!"
And while chrome domed Jacques Villeneuve is rumored to be willing to pay for a ride in the F2002SMG M3 in hopes of actually finishing a race the really hot news in the pit lane is that none other that Bernie Ecclestone himself has invested in the team's future.
Reached for comment the miniscule mogul confirmed: "Yes it's true, after looking at their recent performance I have decided to dig deep into my pocket and I gave the boys enough money so they might wash their car, twice! I do like to see a tidy grid!"

Team Colombian Italian Axis or Oversteer, NY

1 comment:

  1. Just found your site through the hat tip on 0-60 Mag... love the videos - looking forward to more as they're released now you're on my RSS.


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